CD2: IVF#2 Begins

Today's the beginning of IVF#2 and with that I popped my first BCP. Nurse Wratchet J (nurse coordinator) gave me my tentative calendar of festivities:

3/25 Start BCPs
4/17 Last BCP
4/19 Baseline U/S
4/20 Start Lupron (Let the nightsweats begin!)
4/22 Start Stims
4/26 NK Assay
4/28 First monitoring U/S
5/2 to 5/5 Retrieval
5/5 to 5/8 Transfer

Weird how it seems to be happening faster this time. Or at least it I recognize the pattern of what has to happen so I can see the end in sight more clearly that the first time.

The idea of doing this again scares the hell out of me, but what choice is there...really? I can't choose to be childless...it's just not in me. It's not something I can imagine for myself. So I'll venture on and give it my 200% again. I'll suck down my wheatgrass juice each day...eat my handful of vitamins...and even start going to yoga and acupuncture once again. Do I really need to give up my Organic Swiss Water Decaf coffee, though? That is about where I think I must draw the line ladies.

But stress...what to do about stress? Managing my stress is something that J says, over and over, that I had to get a grip on.

How can I deal with stress when I don't even know that I'm stressed out? J says "Strss is how you deal with your environment or surroundings." That's a simple enough definition, but it pisses me off. Why? It's a definition that gives people a copout for taking responsibility for how they treat people. I've nearly heard J say, on more than one occassion, "I should be able to say just about anything to you without your becoming stressed out. You should be able to control your reaction to what I say. But because you cannot, you get stressed out." By this time I'll be visibly frothing at the mouth. Then he'll say, "See, just look at you right now...you're all stressed! Look at you!"

I'd love to have my acupuncturist stick needles in my stress points and leave them in 24/7.