CD27: 8DP3.5DT
FRED #6
Well it's like this. Yesterday when I went to my OB's office to pick up a beta labslip, I chatted up her lab assistant, aked her how sensitive her in office POAS were. She checked. 20iu sensitive. Better than what I've got at home. She asked if I wanted to take one home and give it a whirl. Why not? Worth a try.
I tried it last night about 9PM and there was something that I can only fathom was an evaporation line. It wasn't pink but more gray in color. Nothing to get excited about but I'll be honest: I did kind of get excited looking at the evaporation line wondering, "Hmm, is it? Or, isn't it?" It looks more like a faint line in today's bright light, but still not the magenta pink I've grown to know and love.
This morning's FRED was as dismal as yesterday's FRED.
Nothing.
Nada.
Not even an evaporation line. (Okay, on second look in totally bright sunlight there MIGHT be an evaporation line, but hell, I just can't tell).
I even took apart FRED #4 so I could get a closer look thinking that maybe the shine on the cover was obscuring some tiny fragment of a red line.
Nothing doing.
I don't know if I can trust HPTs anymore though. My girlfriend, LL, who has done SEVEN IVFs, is cycling alongside me. She put in 2 five day old embryos the day before my transfer. (Remember, I put in five 3.5 day old embryos, so she's a day ahead of me and her embryos are a day and a half ahead of my embryos). She's been HPTing as well and for the past four days she has had a very very faint line that gets darker, lighter, and keeps varying. Well yesterday's beta showed that her faint line equalled a beta of 72.5. Jesus christ. You'd think that with a beta that high that you'd see a nice dark pink line that left no question as to the pregnant-ness of LL. What gives?
I guess it gives me the tinest bit of hope that HPTs in general just do not cut the mustard. But the doctor's HPT didn't tell me much different. A bigger evaporation line doesn't really convert me over. I'm not feeling much in the way of cramps (a bit here and there), sore breasts, anything. I can't imagine anything is going on in my uterus at all. I am accepting the fact that the random cramping is the product of PIO, pure and simple.
So in order to get this clown race over with, I went and did a beta today. I wrote "STAT" and "FAX CC TO (my fax number)" on the lab slip and highlighted it all with a marker.
They said that the results should be in some time later today. Thank god that this will be over soon. I still hope, but I am really afraid of the phone call that is to come. I've been thinking about where I would draw the line in terms of doing a second beta. Dr. Moustache's office sees anything over 5 as positive, but all of my IF friends kind of see anything less than 20 as a chemical in the midst of happening. Why is Dr. Moustache so more lenient with this than my IF friends? What is it about him that he isn't as frank as my sistahs?
If I went with Dr. Moustache's ideas, I'd need to be at a minimum of 2.5 today in order to double to a "5" on Friday. That would pass the Moustache test. But if I trust my sistahs, then I'd be looking for something around "10" today, for a 20 on Friday. Neither value would show up on a HPT today, or on Friday, so I am trying to chill as best I can.
So there you have it: 2.5 is our minimum goal to retest. 10 would make me feel better. And anything over 10 will be met with a smidgeon of hope. All will be met with skepticism, of course. I can't help be be skeptical. I'm skeptical about many things. It feels odd to say that when here I am doing IVIg, LITs in Mexico, and ready to take a plane to NYC to see Dr. Hungarian. Oh, yes, and I'm now going to be taking part in the intralipids study that Dr. CC of Chicago is doing. (Intralipids are thought to be as good as IVIg for NK suppression. At maybe 1/25th of the price!)
While we wait for the call, J and I are mentally making plans to see Dr. Hungarian in NYC. Tentative dates are October 13th to the 23rd. We'll be looking for a apartment to rent on the upper east side. 70th & 2nd or 3rd would be ideal according to a fellow IF who's done the NYC routine.
If you know of anything suitable in the area for lodging, or ideas as to what would be nice to do while in the city, please leave me a message.
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FRED #6"