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Monday, September 03, 2007

Newbies

As one that has literally been through the IVF mill a few times, and considers myself a fairly active blogger and reader of IF blogs, I find myself trying to limit myself to only reading the blogs infertile who have been through at least 2 IVF cycles. I do read one newbie blog, religiously, but for the most part I find it incredibly difficult to read the blogs of the "new to IVF".

My heart really does go out to the newbies. I read of their hope, their angst over whether they'll get pregnant this first cycle. They write about how often they'll do acupuncture, how they think their REs walk on water, how they are "doing everything" right so that this first time will work. I read how they have switched from drinking 5 colas a day to diet soda and I cringe at the amount of aspartame that they're ingesting. Or the girls that stop binge drinking the day before they start taking stims. I have to wonder, sometimes, how serious some of these women are. I know that when this first one doesn't work for some of them that the shock will be unexpected. The pain deep. They'll look for reasons as to why this cycle didn't work. Many will analyze each step they took. Each meal. Each supplement. Whether that pitcher of margaritas the day before transfer had anything to do with it. They'll drive themselves batty with self blame.

When I follow the blog of a newbie and they aren't successful that first time, I feel their pain so intensely because I was there once. (Hell, I still fret over the silly shit!) The pain is so familiar that I dare not venture to their blogs too often. When I read of what their REs are or are not doing in their cycles I want to butt in with my SWAG (ie, scientific wild assed guess), or perhaps you'd call it my assvice. Whatever.

I want to write to them and tell them what I think of their REs, their protocols, their diets, their BMIs, their binge drinking, and to ask if they did "this test" or "that test" before they considered IVF or their RE. "Didn't your RE tell you to stay away from Ginkgo Biloba, Echinacea, and St. John's Wort????" I want to butt in. Sometimes I do, and I always fear the "thanks for stopping by but please back off" note. I haven't received one, yet, but I'm sure it's just around the corner. But for the most part, I try to read and move on, and better yet, I try to read the blogs of my fellow veteran sisters...those who have had repeated failures and have had their newbie blinders removed from their eyes.

I hear many women say that when they become pregnant that they move on and stop reading the blogs of the IF world. I'm not sure that I could ever do that if I were to become pregnant. I think I would still continue to follow my cycle sistahs and check in on them from time to time and offer up my SWAG whenever I felt so moved.

Labels:

Comments on "Newbies"

 

Blogger Thalia said ... (8:06 AM) : 

Oh I so know that feeling. I've given up a bit as I figure ppl just don't want to hear much of the time. But it's hard to resist...

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (4:01 PM) : 

Hi Linda, sorry for your BFN.:(
I do not read the blogs of newbees.
haven't found many vets around neither.I wish I had.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:47 PM) : 

Though, technically a newbie, (one full IVF cycle after multiple delays and one denial.) I have not been able to relate to the other "newbies" because they seem so naive about the medical world. Why would anyone expect a physician to take a personal interest in all the details of your case? I assume they ignore stuff, which makes me abnormal, I guess. (Of course, this comes from experience.)

It irritates me even more with people who have chronic conditions where there are going to be things the RE would NEVER know unless you tell them. It is outside of the RE's specialty, don't be surprised if they don't know!

Of course, I think DH and I shocked our RE with not expecting our first IVF to actually work. Too many unknowns going into it.

Pax,

MLO

 

Blogger Unknown said ... (12:25 AM) : 

I'm a newbie...so I guess you probably don't read my blog but I read yours :) I can honestly say that the 'assvice' I've received from others who have been down this crazy road has been SO valuable. I can't even list the number of times it brings up a questions for my 'walking on water' RE ;) So I hope that if you do come across the occasional newbie question on her blog or lifestyle choice, you will add a comment if you feel like your experience will guide that person better, despite any backlash. It means the world. And sorry to read about the your unusually harsh OB appointment earlier :( Being the wise-ass that I am, I probably would have gotten extremely bitchy and asked if she had bothered to even read my file. But thats just me and my own assvice :) Anyways, best of luck to you Linda :) I hope your nether regions feel better soon. Awesome on ordering a microscope!

 

Blogger Portia P said ... (4:33 PM) : 

Linda
I'm sorry for your BFN and sorry i havent' been around to support you.
I know what you mean about newbies, but I do think that as old timers, we can pass on some good advice to those starting out.
From a selfish point of view, the whole hopefulness of those new to IF makes me bitter and twisted.
I'm always on the hunt for old timers who get there - the success stories.
Take care of yourself x

 

Blogger Nica said ... (6:36 PM) : 

FEEL FREE to give me as much advice as you want. I appreciate it.

Condolences on your BFN.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (1:47 PM) : 

Hi - I just found your blog...and I'm an IVF newbie (though certainly not a newbie to the pain of IF) waiting for my first cycle to crash and burn. I do not expect that this first cycle worked.

I'm having a hard time relating to most of the things you mentioned about newbies. My RE certainly doesn't walk on water (though some of her nurses do) and I pretty much followed all of their instructions to the t. And am not worrying about what went in my mouth (because seriously, I've eaten pretty much everything in sight.)

I did want to say that the advice of "vets" like yourself is really really valuable. The realities of ART is that its a crapshoot...and when i stumble across people who have been able to wade through the muck and retain their senses of humor and humility, well, then, writers like you, they earn my respect.

Thank you.

 

Blogger Pamela T. said ... (9:04 AM) : 

I can appreciate what you're saying. I often wonder if women see getting a blog comment from an unsuccessful IF veteran who's no longer in treatment akin to getting a visit from a Dickensian ghost of IF future...

 

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