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Surrogacy Blogs:
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Saturday, March 27, 2010

Serendipity

I never knew my biological father growing up as my mother saw fit to never tell him that I was born. When she found herself pregnant with me, she casually mentioned to him that, "There's the possibility that I am pregnant." My father, being the controlled skeptic that he is, said, "OK, let's wait and see." She was offended that he didn't wed her on the spot and she ran off. She didn't want to give birth and actually tried to find someone to abort me. Failing at that, she flew to California where she left me with her Aunt, my Great Aunt. I never knew my father, but I knew OF him and spent countless hours in the university basement going through microfische phone books, looking for my father. I found him 6 years after I left college, when I was 31 or 32 years old and flew out a week later to meet him and my family.

My newfound family welcomed me with open arms. They could have been skeptical but apparently when I got off of the plane, my aunt said that I was the spitting image of my father. From then on, no one questioned that I was my father's daughter. The feeling of belonging that meeting them made my heart melt. They even made me a cake with frosting that said, "Welcome Linda" on it. I shed tears of joy at how open they were to my coming into their lives.

There was one cute little girl at this party: my niece. She was all of 3 years old at the time and very shy. Cute bouncy, curly hair. Adorable. While I remember her as clear as a bell, I know she doesn't remember the meeting.

Fast forward 15+ years. She and I just reconnected on Facebook and spend a large portion of each night writing back and forth to each other, sharing what is going on in our lives. I am enjoying getting to know her immensely.

She's pretty, very intelligent looking, likes to wear squarish glasses like me, and very tattooed which gives her a bit of an edginess. She's passionately vegan and wants to open a business one day that lets her interact with this community.

In our discussions I shared with her my trials with infertility and how I'm going to try until I can't try anymore.

She replied back with, "Have you considered getting a surrogate maybe?" I explained that while I would love to use a surrogate, that I'm hesitant to. I worry about someone changing their mind, about someone holding the child hostage for more money, about them disappearing right before the birth only for me to never see them again and my child is lost forever. I know these thoughts are irrational. But they persist.

She wrote back and said the most amazing thing to me.

She said she would love to be my surrogate.

MY SURROGATE.

This cute little bouncy niece of mine, who I have met once, has offered to try to carry a child for me.

I am stunned by her lack of fear of the process, by her sheer generosity. Of course I wanted to say yes and start planning things on the spot, but this is serious business. She is 19, this will change her body, this will be her first pregnancy.

I told her to think hard on it. That she would need to get a bunch of blood tests and probably go through a uterine check for polyps and septums.

She didn't seem at all disturbed by any of this.

I'm excited, shocked, hopeful. All at the same time. To have a family member carry a child for me is the best I could hope for. She would be offering, attempting, to carry her cousin. How wonderful is that?

I am trying to not get too excited over this. People change their minds. She might change hers. But I hope not.

This is a glimmer of hope that I hadn't dared hope for.

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Comments on "Serendipity"

 

Anonymous amanda said ... (2:22 PM) : 

Wow! A glimmer of hope is a nice thing to come by.

 

Anonymous musicmakermomma said ... (3:09 PM) : 

That is a lovely thought; and gosh wouldn't it be amazing if it worked out?! But I agree she needs to get the big picture, this would change her life for sure.

Sorry your embies didn't come through - but then we kinda knew that was not going to happen. But I suppose they just want to make double sure. Oh well, no more shots for a while. I am loving the natural cycle (which may never actually start at this rate!)

 

Blogger linda said ... (3:16 PM) : 

MMM,

I am so loving not being on shots. I get horribly bloated during a cycle. I'm not sure if it's from the lovenox or the Gonal-F. Or the steroids. All I know is that my upper stomach gets hard and sticks out. I look wretched. It's only been a few days but I already feel better for it.

Yep, I knew they wouldn't pull through. I though it was insanely insensitive of Nurse Pollyanna and Dr. Italian to say there was hope when, mathematically speaking, there was no chance in hell those embies would blast in 24 hours.

Do they think I'm an idiot or what? (Don't answer that! LOL!)

Linda

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (7:04 PM) : 

Linda, I just want to tell you that your blog has changed my own struggle with IF and has given me a lot of hope. I'm three months out from being 39, and just got a chemical from my first IVF. I thought I knew most of the research and supplements but after reading every one of your blog entries I have learned so much. After reading about your gorgeous blast at 45 I have more hope for myself too. Thank you--this is a tremendous public service you are doing. Hope you can find a surrogate because I'm convinced that will be your key to success. Best wishes!

 

Anonymous musicmakermomma said ... (10:17 AM) : 

Hey, just wondering if you are ok? No posts makes me worry, but I know how it is when there is nothing interesting to report between cycles... Hope things are going well, thinking of you.

 

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