Check in with Dr. Czech

"D" and I made the long drive to Philly this evening to spend the weekend with his boys and, me, for a 7pm with the good doc ... I brought Dr. Czech a copy of the GI's pathology report to check out since my GI condition is highly likely an immune one.

We had our appointment. He read the report, asked lots of questions. Although he's not familiar with Lymphocytic Colitis, he actually thinks that this is a continuum of my other immune issues and that the meds that he has me on may be helping me to get better a bit faster than I would normally have. I hope he reads up on it and gets a few insights though. He's brilliant.

So I got a new Rx for my meds - 50 days of "smart drugs" for my endometrium - then his nurse did a quick U/S to see how things looked inside. I was having some ovarian pain on the right side and wanted to see if I had a lingering ovarian cyst. Nice to know if I'm likely to be canceled sooner rather than later. I'm on CD28 or so, but they found that I have a 23mm cyst on my left ovary, not the right - fuck! (Paid is probably caused by endo as usual). There goes another possible month. But Dr. Czech said not to worry - that I could cycle with it. He said I could have cycled with the three cysts that I had two cycles ago. Huh? The nurses never told me that and I voiced that to him. How frustrating. I told him I'd definitely run any future decisions personally through him rather than his nurses.

So frustrating when crap like this happens. AS IF I have the luxury of time right now? WTF. The rest of the night wasn't much better.

So a bit of history before I get into the next part of my evening.

My other half ("D") and I live in the NYC area. His children (boys, 4 and 6) live in Philly with their mom. We all relocated here May 2009 when "D's" company relocated him BACK to NYC after 14 years or so of living in the SF Bay Area. The deal was that the company had to move all of us or he wasn't going to relocate. So move we did. We have a bit of an arrangement with the ex whereby we occasionally stay at her house when we have the kids for the weekend. This is such a weekend.

However, she usually leaves and we have the house alone. Not this weekend and I didn't find out about this until today. I think I would have stayed home if I had any idea as to what was to come.

So for tonight's appointment, we were running late going to Philly to fetch the kids so that we could go to dinner. It was the "mom's" idea that we take them to dinner even though she knew we wouldn't be there til after 6:30. But traffic was bad - I was worried about being late to my appointment, so "D" took me to Dr. Czech's on the way rather than me dropping him off and then me going there alone.

Well, as it turns out I had to wait about an hour past my scheduled time as the person before me ran late. "D" called about 7:30 and said he'd picked up the kids and that he was headed back my way. He griped that it took him 50 minutes to drive the 11 miles from Dr. Czech's to the kids' house. I said he could either take them to dinner and get me something as I was starving, THEN pick me up ... or ... he could come and wait for me.

He opted to come and wait for me. I'm not sure why he opted to do this, but he did.

Let's just say that it was a huge mistake.

As I mentioned, the doctor was running really late, so by the time "D" arrived with the boys he was hungry, on edge, and in a peevish mood. We left NYC at 4:00 or 4:30 and we were going on nearly 5 hours of "driving around". We didn't get out of there until about 8:45. His boys are 4 and 6, hadn't eaten, and they usually are in bed at 8:00 or 8:30. Then there's the issue of their mother being home that night so we'd have to encounter her on the way back into the house, the questions, the stress...the yelling at "D".

It didn't go good. "D' was pissed off at me for having had dropped me off first, said that I didn't care that he had to drive across Philadelphia to fetch the kids and back to get me. That his ex yelled at him for arriving late (we asked her to drop the kids close to Dr. Czech's so we could get them on time, but it's not in her to be accommodating). I can't tell you how many times I apologized to "D", but it didn't matter to him. The kids actually told us to stop arguing a number of times. It's embarrassing when things get like this.

We left Dr. Czech's and headed for Chili's. But they had a 20 minute wait. He refused to stay and wait. Again, I apologized for how the night went. But he yelled all the way back to the car. In the parking lot. I'm sure people heard. I suggested we get Chinese take out and head back to the ex's house. He said no and quipped that it would look "bad" that we waltzed into her house at 10 something with take out food. Then he drove us maybe 8 miles or more to see if a Ruby's Diner was open. It was 9:40 now. It wasn't open.

So he headed back to the town where the kids live for Chinese take out at long last. We arrived back at the boy's house and I cant' tell you how happy I was to see that their mom was out. "D" got the boys into PJs while I put food on the table. Halfway through dinner the ex came in with her BF and started to gripe that the kids were up that late. How they "must be starving to death". (They told us that they weren't hungry, only thirsty). I immediately took responsibility for the entire situation and explained how my appointment went late.

In an accusing voice she said, "Aren't there doctors in New York City that you can see?"

Me: "Ah...no. Not this sort of doctor."

What I am doing with IVF, my IF, my immune conditions, are none of her business. I confessed nothing. It's just none of her business. I don't want her to know what is going on in my life. It's just too private. I could see her using anything I tell her against me. It's also too personal that "D" decided over a year ago to not let me use his sperm for my IVF cycles. I'm using a donor and it's too painful to share something like that with his ex.

Back to her anger about our being late. I understand her being upset at our being late. Truly, I do. But shit happens in life. Once in a while kids don't get to bed on time. No one suffers irreparable damage from staying up late once in a while. But you wouldn't know it from her reaction.

I also don't "get" D's fear of her. His mania, paranoia, to not piss her off. He treads on eggshells with her. He made a comment that he can't seem to make either of us happy. My question: Since when is it HIS job to make HER happy anyways? There's just something horribly wrong here, I'm telling you.

Then the younger complained to his mom (in front of me) of a stomachache after dinner. It's weird but he always complains of his tummy hurting him. He prefers liquids over food at nearly every meal. He perpetually has bags under his eyes and he has trouble gaining weight. Call me crazy, but I think the kid likely has some sort of GI or allergy issue (not that I'm on a GI kick thing this week - he's really complained since he could talk). I mentioned to him mom that he's always complaining of this - maybe he should see someone. This has been going on for nearly two years, mind you.

"What on earth are you feeding him? He rarely complains of that with me."

That is so untrue. We eat well. Mostly organic. You'd think we were feeding him Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast or something the way she said that.

I mentioned that I had a few chewable petpo bismol tablets in the car and that we could slice one into pieces appropriate for him body weight.

"You can't give kids adult medicine."

Me: It has the same active ingredient as the childrens form...and they're chewable.

She refused to consider giving him something for his tummy or to consider that her little guy may have an issue. In the last year she has also sent her boys to us with untreated Plantar's warts, Athletes feet, uncut nails, dirty hair - all of which I had to point out to "D" to get them treated by a physician. One time I was washing the littlest ones hair and noticed that his scalp was covered with tiny little moles. She didn't even know they were there. I mentioned to them both that he should wear hats as the moles would receive a lot of sun and could go abnormal in later life for him.

How is it that despite the fact that I am not these childrens mother, that I see them only on weekends, that I am the first and only person to actually notice all of their skin conditions and ailments?

If we don't check into a hotel tomorrow, I have half a heart to jump a train and head home tomorrow on my own. I'd rather sit home and watch movies on the DVR alone and snuggle with my cats than put up with this crap.

Some days I'm not sure if I can take this relationship. This life here on the east coast.

Days like this when I feel truly alone in my relationship, I miss the Bay Area and my life back home more than ever.