CD3 Lamentations

I'm getting better at the long drive from NYC to South Joisey. 81 miles each way ... home and back in 3 hours and 40 minutes (including a stop to get gas and another to pick up decaf and gluten free protein bars at WF's). Not bad.

I was at my desk in NYC by about 12:30 ... bummed that in my hurry I'd forgotten to order lunch (our company graciously springs for lunch each day - maybe not so graciously as they know they can eek out an extra hour or more by keeping us at our desks). Wish they'd be gracious with a gym membership to work off my lunchtime inactivity though! ;-)

So, the follicle report is dismal. One follicle on each side. My left side has (unbeknownst to me up til today) grown a new endometrioma, reported on Friday's U/S at 23mm, and today at 14mm. I wish they could figure it out. Dr. Czech said that it might be a corpus luteum (huh?) last Friday. OK. We'll see if it's there on Friday's U/S.

Tonight I start with 0.02mg of ethinyl estradiol (aka, EE2). That's all I know of my cycle for now. Friday (CD6) I head back for another U/S and bloodwork and they might raise my EE2 dosage up a bit depending on where I'm at.

I'm a bit stressed as I'm missing a lot of labwork (though I've faxed it in multiple times) and they want to do a sonohysterogram (had at least 2 in the last year) as well as a "mock embryo transfer" (if they need measurements and notes I can get those for them, too).

I'm not clear on why so much of these tests have to be repeated over and over at great expense to my insurance company, who then whittles down what remains of my IVF insurance money. I'm going to put up a bit of a protest that some of this stuff certainly doesn't need to be repeated. ABO blood testing? Cystic Fibrosis carrier status? As if these are going to change in my lifetime?! I can see things such as EKGs, mammograms, paptests - these make sense to me.

I also have to get on the ball and order my sperm. My sperm clinic is in NYC - and my IVF clinic is in NJ. I am hoping that I can fetch the container Thursday evening and then take it down on Friday morning when I go in. But that seems...OPTIMISITC? Ordering sperm (expensive stuff) before we know the cycle is really going to happen is sorta putting the cart before the horse. The andrology department at the clinics I've been at always want the sperm early on, and they want multiple vials (then only use 1 then they charge you to store the ones that you didn't want or use - it's frustrating). But I personally prefer to order it as close to the end as possible in case I'm canceled for one reason or another. Another gripe from the IF sideboards.

Anyways, I guess I have a lot of stuff to coordinate this week. It feels weird to be cycling again and with a measly 2 follicles. In January it will be 5 years since my first IVF attempt in January 2006. I transferred six follies that cycle. I was so sure I would get pregnant, what, with SIX freaking embryos. But no. Imagine the devastation. (If you're a fellow IF'er, I'm sure you can).

A few months later (May 2006) in cycle #2 I had 15 follicles, transferred six, froze six. To have a cycle with TWO FOLLICLES just slays me. Really it does. It feels dismal, like the end of trying is near.

Right now, I live on those damned stories of patients getting knocked up with 3 or fewer follicles. And I hope.