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Surrogacy Blogs:
Part of a Miracle
Bump Fairy
Our Surrogacy Adventure

Working on it:
Mad Hatter
Chick N Chicken
Ambivalent Womb
Stirrup Queen's List of Blogs
Delinquent Eggs
Life and Love in the Petrie Dish
Life in the Infertile Lane
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Barren
Everyone Else But Me
It Takes a Village
Stella Part 2
Music Maker Momma

On other paths:
Fertile Soul
MLO Knitting
Out, damned egg! Out I say!
Holding Pattern
Hummingbird Chronicles
Velvet Cage

Adventures in Baby Making
Barren Albion
Barren Mare
Dead Bug
Due Dates
Fertility Shmertility
Fumbling Towards Eggstacy
Great Good Fortune
Healing Arts
Hopeful Mother
I Can't Whistle
IF & the City
It Only Takes One Egg
Waiting for Baby Orange
Jenny From the Infertility Block
She's Back!: Manana Banana
Smarshy Boy
Stella and/or Ben
Tinkering with the Works
Twisted Ovaries
Wishing For One

Other Good Reads:
Dr. Licciardi's Infertility Blog

Mc Gill Reproductive Centre - Montreal
Georgia Reproductive Specialists
Jinemed Hospital - Turkey

Cooper Center - NJ
Conceptions - Colorado
Red Rock Fertility - Dr. Eva Littman
Pacific Fertility Center
Zouves Fertility Center"
Nova IVF

IVF Meds - UK
Free Garage Sale
Flying Pharmacy (IVIg)

Blastocyst Grading Criteria
How much hCG is Left After Trigger?
POAS Ratings
More POAS Ratings
The Beta Base

Sunday, December 31, 2006

CD11: Gobs of Fertile CM...Improvement?

J and I are in Monterey for the NYE First Night Celebration. We're both on Flagyl and Zithromax for Dr. Hungarian's tx, so we can't drink anyways. But sober people on NYE aren't quite as, well, fun as a bunch of inebriated folks. They just aren't. So it's another (yawn) boring NYE for the IF couple. I think this is my fifth year doing this gig. If I had a bathing suit I'd go to the Plaza and get a "polish change" and use their penthouse jacuzzi for the entire day watching the sea otters. Alas, there is no way in hell this Bologna Butt is getting into any such vestement.

So here's the scoop: Yesterday I nearly screamed when I saw a huge glob of red tinged fertile CM on my TP. I'm not sure why on day 10 I'm still spotting...but I was. TMI? Yes. But it's kind of significant because it's been going on for nearly three days. Three days of the stretchy stuff. Dr. Hungarian would say this is ominous that his treatment is working. If it weren't for my absent tubes, I'd be fertile as all hell. My gawd.

So we're in the midst of an entire month of Zithromax and Flagyl and I'm having second thoughts about doing that Cyclin E/P27 endometrial test that they do over at Yale. I think I'm going to plunk down the $459 and just do it. I'd had to think that we overlooked something.

What else? Had friend with a non-IF buddy the other day who I haven't seen all year long. She asked how the IF journey was going. I told her we've blown something like $35,000 trying to have a baby this last year and she DID IT. She said the bad thing.

Why don't you just adopt?

Yep. She said it. It rolled off of her tongue like a marble.

I don't have to tell you the sound of silence that ensued after those fateful words. A long deadness. Then I said, "J doesn't want to." We talked a bit more about adoption, and how an Asian baby for J is totally out of the question as he feels it is hard enough for the child to be adopted but to never be able to "get away" with it is just too much. I understand that. I'm adopted. My mother adopted me when she was 47 and I was 11 months old. Everyone assumed she was my grandmother. Hell, she's my grandfather's sister so that's a safe assumption. But we were never able to "get away with it". My fact of being adopted was always pushed in my face and in hers. So adopting a child that looks nothing like either of us just propagates this for another generation. I know how that child would feel. I've BEEN that child. Enuf said on that.

But the shock that yet another friend didn't have the awareness that one doesn't JUST ADOPT. At least for us we don't. For us it would symbolize the end of hope for a child of our own.

I still dream and get teary thinking of our blonde baby with it's daddy's beautiful blue eyes. Of how J's careful heart will melt into a shimmery blob when he holds his child.

We're just not ready to stop hoping. I wish our friends would hope along with us. You know?


Saturday, December 30, 2006

CD10: Spotting and other miseries

My last two cycles have been abnormal. Three days of torrential gushing and then nearly a week of spotting. I just don't understand this. I've always been one to have two heavy days, a light day, then one more day of menses and finit! La Coloratura said that she's seen a similar pattern after being treated by Dr. Hungarian, but I wonder if that is the case for me? I've been on oral Abx for three weeks, so the first period didn't occur while I was being treated. Even the period I had while I was in NY was fine. It was only after seeing Dr. Hungarian that things changed. Hmmm....

I am anxiously waiting for January 2nd to arrive. So many things to do:

  • Buyers' loan should fund and close on the 3rd, which means we'll finally start to look for a house to buy
  • Call Dr. Pompy and find out what he thought of our records we submitted in November. If he refuses to treat us, then we turn to Dr. Art Teacher in Colorado.
  • Call my OB/Gyn and find out if she's ready to get my uterine lavages started
  • Call Dr. Urologist to see if he's received the IV instructions from Dr. Hungarian

I also need to start to research whether the surrogates in India are "for real". I was reading online last night that you can get a surrogate to carry your IVF embies for about $7200 total. Yes, TOTAL. IVF, Meds, Transfer, Surrogate Fees, and Delivery Fees. One stop shopping. Out the door pricing. If it's for real, we'll be doing one more IVF here and then we're off to Pune or wherever the hell they're doing this sort of thing.

And then I've got some new wheels to deal with. I bought a used 1996 Land Rover Discovery that is in need of work, not because I'm a glutton for punishment, but because I needed something I could cart clients around in. I checked out the vehicle on a windy day and because it was so bitterly cold, and my hair was whipping in my face, I didn't realize how much the body damage on the front corner would bother me. Well, it does. And the high winds must have masked some strange noise under the front end that was perfectly clear as I drove off with it today.

Why did I buy this? Well, J bitched and complained that I didn't have a vehicle and that I asked to use his on a few occassions. So I bought this thing in a moment of angst over everything and now I think I'm having second thoughts. I threw up a couple online ads and we'll see what happens. It's a neat vehicle otherwise. Hopefully I can find it a new home and make a few bucks on the turnaround. I really wish J and I could have found a better option than to sell the last Rover, but it was a constant source of arguments. Now I have a constant source of angst in its stead.


Saturday, December 23, 2006

CD3: Christmas Eve Eve

It's a Saturday and I'm going to be hard pressed to find a laboratory where I can get a draw for my CD3 FSH test. J said I should put off retesting till we get closer to doing another IVF but I think that it's good to know where the trend is headed...and to also know when the magic from the humira is gone. You know?


Mom's house might fall out of escrow. The fucking buyers were supposed to close yesterday and since they decided to change lenders on their second on Wednesday we only got docs for the second on Thursday. The buyers signed yesterday and during their walk through decided to try to squeeze us for some extra money for upgrading the electrical box. I told our agent, BG, "They can have $100. I'll give them that personally. But if they say they want $120, or even $102, tell them they can go to hell in a flaming handbasket. Don't even bother to call me if they don't accept that and ask for anything more because the answer is automatically NO." I think he was taken aback, but we are so burnt out on them. Also, they've signed off on their contingencies and at this point if they do not close escrow they will owe us a few thou in liquidated damages and they'll be liable for the difference between their contract price and any other price we accept on the house. They have a newbie agent all of 9 months and I don't think she is advising her clients well. It remains to be seen where this transaction will go.


Took mom to pick up my painting in Berkeley yesterday, do a bit of shopping, gawk at homes in the Berkeley Hills, and eat lunch. We stopped by a little French place that I've been dying to try (La Note on Shattuck) as I'd seen rave reviews for it's breakfasts, brunches, and dinners. There was a bit of a wait but it wasn't too bad. We were seated along a wall and squashed in between an older couple to my left and a nice family of four to our right. It was really loud in there and it made hearing for my difficult as she wears a hearing aid. But she did amazingly well considering. The couple to the left appeared to be regulars as I overheard them saying, "It's so slow today", "Perhaps it was a mistake to come here today", "This place is nicer when one has more time to eat", and so on and so forth. I thought at first that they were just being gripey. But no. They were right on target. Read on.

We all ordered. Drinks arrived faily fast (Pagnol $2.50), but we waited and waited for food. The waitress returns to tell us that they are out of the tomato soup today. The couple next door, who had also ordered the soup, changed their order to a roast beef sandwich that they'll split. (Yes, they were that close. Their table was maybe 4" from ours, and 4" on the other side where the family of four were seatsed) Nothing was private between our three respective tables. If my mom had to go to the bathroom during the meal I would have had to stand up, slide our table out into the walkway and let her out that way.) I ordered the same for my mom but she asked, instead, for a chicken sandwich. So be it. A chicken sandwich she shall have.

Another long wait ensued and after a spell the food finally arrives. The older couple was served first. Once the waitress had left, they both opened their sandwiches and said, "This looks like HAM." But they'd ordered a roast beef sandwich. Even I heard that. They said nothing to her but griped among themselves over it. Understandably. Why risk another 20 minute wait for food? Our food arrived next (although we'd arrived first). Mom's chicken sandwich ($11.95) looked okay and the golden sauteed peppers adorning the bread looked pretty tasty, but she decided she couldn't stuff the bread in her mouth with the chicken at the same time, so she proceeded to just eat the meat. It was tough and difficult to cut. Nearly unpalatable. $11.95 for a piece of leathery chicken. Grr.... I had ordered the Salade Paysand at $8.95 (country salad). It came in a user unfriendly bowl and was loaded with orzo and CANNED corn. Barf. Just then a wave of a memory flushed through me. THIS was the likely the very same dish that La Coloratura had ordered (and griped about) when she was at this very same restaurant. Arrghhh! And I had just ordered the same wretched dish. I muddled through the dish as best I could, eating the lettuce and ham and making my way around the obviously canned corn. At $8.95 for a small salad, you'd think that they could at least scrape and ear of fresh corn into it, you know?

While we were eating I eyeballed the family of four's food to my right. They had ordered breakfast and it looked actually quite scrumptuous. We finished up and decided to try to hit up the Cheeseboard (near Shattuck and Cedar) for some shortbread instead of spending more at La Note and risking more disappointment. I paid the bill ($25 + tip) and waited in the entry for mom while she made a dash for the ladies room. I noticed that they'd received and hung up their "Best of" awards, but these awards were for breakfast and brunch. Not for lunch or dinner. So clearly we'd come to La Note for the wrong meal. We'll try them again for breakfast or brunch, but we'll never order lunch there again. I don't think I'd even risk eating dinner there at this point. There are just too many good French restaurants in the Bay Area and too many good restaurants in Berkeley. Our lunch at La Note was a utter disappointment. I even apologized to my mother for having her eat such a terrible lunch. I was really embarrassed as I'd told her that I'd heard it was "such a good place". Sheesh.


Think I found a new Land Rover to replace the one J and I sold a few months ago. I'm still bummed we sold it. I love that Disco. We had a 1995 Land Rover discovery with a manual 5 speed tranny, leather seats, dual moonroofs, and the ultra cool jumpseats in the back. They're rare as hen's teeth. Land Rover made less than 1% of their Discoveries with manual trannies for the American market as Americans are less and less willing to buy manual tranmissions. But I had automatics and I go out of my way to find manuals. And I found one last night. Praying it stays on the market long enough for me to get my tail over to where it's at and buy it. Tomorrow is Xmas eve but if we went first thing in the AM we could make it. I wonder if the owners would think we're twisted to want to see a car on XMas eve? Or even Xmas day would work for me. What the heck? Gosh I hope it's a clean Disco without issues. It would rock to get a replacement before the end of the year.


Okay. Off to wrap more Xmas presents while J snoozes.


Thursday, December 21, 2006


Oh boy. CD1 and the winter solstice both on the same day. Portentous for a good month? Alas we're in the middle of Dr. Hungarian's treatment and my uterus will be pumped with an antibiotic cocktail (his words) like no one has seen before. Dr. G received the orders today and I hope to have the lavages start by the beginning of January. I would hope for sooner, but I really cannot ask anyone to shove a catheter into my cervix on NYE and NY Day, now can I? We are still working on coordinating getting the IV instructions to Dr. Urologist. Hopefully we'll have both the IVs and lavages fully underway that first week of January. Then it's a waiting game. Wait, wait, wait. Look to see if anything grows back. I think this entails a trip to NYC. Frigging cold as hell NYC. If I have to be cold, I'd rather be in Stuttgart with AA hanging out. But that won't get me a baby, now will it?

Weird how I chart time these days by the harking of a new AF. But there it was this morning, a day late and I quickly calculated that I'll be hard pressed to find a lab on a Saturday so that I can do a CD3 FSH. I'm afraid to do it actually. I hit my lowest CD3 FSH two months ago and I'm sure it was due to the Humira I shot up in August and September. I just pray that it isn't already edging up. I so want to impress Dr. Pompy in to agreeing to treat us for our next IVF and now that I'm 42, those numbers mean so much more.

I haven't written much lately. It seemed to have started when I'd found out that my blog had been outed to a friend's husband. Then while I was in Bologna it got worse as the wireless connection that was there was encrypted (sux) and I'd failed to bring my usb/ethernet adapter for the hardwired line that was in our apartment. It was already a bit difficult to write freely when I know that J's mother reads this. No matter how open minded I know that she is (yes you are), or other non IF readers are, I find that I do edit my writing in my mind before I commit. I DO have to edit. My DH is her son. So certain things that I would normally write for my anonymous or not so anonymous IF friends, simply won't be written here. So DC, go ahead and keep reading. It's just one of the hazards of blogging and I'll get through it.

So what's new on the IF front? My TSH has been steady at 1.4 or is that 1.5? DS's office says it's perfect and that I don't need any more synthroid. (Let's hear it for self prescribing?)

I still haven't lost my dex weight. I gained 10 pounds between the FET in September and the week I saw Dr. Infection in Daly City. I gasped when his nurse put me on the scale. J has been very supportive in helping me to get my butt back into the gym, maybe a bit TOO supportive if you get my drift, but it just has to be done. When I was young it was SO EASY to lose weight. I'd just eat salads for lunch and dinner for a week and voila! Five pounds would disappear. It's just not that easy now. I remember older women warning me of this strange phenomena where when you turn older the weight will suddenly stick to you like glue and it will be oh-so-difficult to get the pounds off. I nodded like I understood but inside I thought, "But it will be different for me."

I said the same thing about IVF.

But this weight gain makes me wonder if edging up my synthroid might help get the excess pounds off? I'm near convinced that my hair loss, which has now stopped, might have been due to the dexamethazone and not the synthroid. Think of the men that shoot up steroids. They gain weight, get bitch tits, then they lose their hair. See the pattern?

Starting thinking about why Dr. Pompy hasn't written back to us after having received our file and am a bit fearful that maybe he thinks he can't help us. Hmm... Dr. Moustache said that we should ping Dr. Art Teacher in Denver to see if he could help. Their stats are mind boggling but so are their fees: $250 for an initial phone consult. Over $3000 in blood work, Doppler U/S's, hysteroscopies, etc. (I'm actually happy that they believe in Doppler U/S's...many REs don't). Then the clincher: $11480 for the retrieval. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Then there are the drugs, PGD, ICSI, and AH to pony up for. I'm feeling ill as I write this. My wallet withereth before my eyes. J will fucking flip. But...drum roll...they have a near 50% success rate for women at 42 with their OWN BLESSED EGGS.

Those numbers speak to me like no other beacon of hope. A ray of sunshine in this IF marathon.

I'll be asking Dr. Moustache's office for a records release form TODAY. FedEx can't get my papers there fast enough.


My Diagnosis

My Infertility History

My Usual Protocol for Diet, Herbs, & Supplements

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